Have you ever seen a cow (Gaumata) standing outside your house, waiting for food? When she’s hungry, she waits patiently, hoping someone will come out and feed her. You go, take a roti from the kitchen, and feed her. She eats and seems satisfied. But then, after some time, you step outside again, and there she is, still waiting. You think she might still be hungry, so you feed her another roti.
This cycle continues, and you start wondering: Is she really hungry, or is she just expecting more because you fed her once? This is how expectations work. When we fulfill someone’s desires once, they begin to expect it repeatedly, like a vending machine.
This simple example of a cow can also explain human relationships—especially the ones with toxic parents or controlling family members.
The Impact of Toxic Expectations
Many young adults and teenagers today face mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or PTSD, often because of toxic parenting. Parents sometimes set high expectations or impose strict rules that can feel suffocating. If their children fail to meet these expectations, it leads to conflicts, criticism, and guilt.
If you’re facing such a situation, here are three ways to handle it:
1. Work in Silence
Parents often have a path planned for you, but you might want to follow your own. Instead of arguing or trying to explain your dreams, work quietly on them. Respect their advice, but don’t let it derail your focus. For instance, if you want to create content, learn to sing, or act, do it without seeking approval or asking for help.
Use the resources you already have and make the most of them. Don’t ask for fancy tools or unnecessary support—they might use it to enforce their expectations even more.
2. Shatter Unrealistic Expectations
If you always agree with your parents and try to please them, their expectations will keep rising. They may start dreaming of you becoming an engineer, doctor, or top-ranking officer. But if that’s not what you want, you need to break these expectations respectfully and strategically.
For example, if their expectations are based on academic success, you might need to show them that your focus lies elsewhere. This doesn’t mean being disrespectful—it means gently shifting their perspective.
3. Break Free if Necessary
If you’ve tried everything—working silently and breaking expectations—but the environment remains toxic, it might be time to take bold steps. Sometimes, leaving a toxic household is the only way to focus on your goals and live independently.
This doesn’t mean abandoning respect for your parents but rather choosing your own peace and happiness over constant emotional stress. Many people have stepped out of difficult situations to build a better life for themselves. It’s tough, but it’s possible.
Final Thoughts
Parents and children share a unique bond, but sometimes toxic expectations can strain this relationship. It’s important to remember that you are not obligated to live a life dictated by others. Respect your parents, but also respect your dreams and aspirations.
If you feel stuck, know that you’re not alone. Many others face similar struggles, and there’s always a way out. Seek support, take small steps, and move forward.
Remember, your happiness and peace of mind matter the most.
What are your thoughts on this? Share in the comments below, and let’s discuss how we can navigate these challenges together.
